Newsletter #13: Don't Look Up and the Greek classics
Happy Tuesday! Here’s what else is in the newsletter today:
Why we still need diversity programs
Is Courage International good or bad?
My discussion with Reconstructing Catholic
What I’m watching: Don’t Look Up
Why we still need diversity programs
Diversity programs are essential. Because not everyone has equal opportunities. I know this from personal experience. I recently gave notice that I’ll be leaving my company at the end of the week. The notice gave me an opportunity to reflect on my career so far, and why I’ve loved working for the company.
When I was in grad school school, I was asked if I’d be interested in an internship working in international politics in Geneva for a year. (Many of you have read this story.) I obviously said yes. I thought it would be the start of an exciting career working in areas about which I was very passionate. But then the rug was pulled out from under me. I ended up having the internship offer rescinded because I was gay. I was trying to be a team player with my academic program, so I didn’t make a fuss and offered to help them find a replacement. The way I responded, how I just let it happen to me, is a big regret in my professional life.
Around the same time, I participated in my company’s Diversity in Law Scholarship Program, which provides a semester corporate externship to law students who are members of underrepresented groups. In my application, I wrote about being gay and Catholic and my desire to foster dialogue. To be honest, I started the program expecting business law to be boring, but I wanted to have the experience just so I would know. I decided to work really hard and learn as much as I could. I ended up loving the experience. The attorneys and paralegals I worked with were curious, smart, welcoming, and super interesting. I made amazing friends and mentors. My supervisor did everything she could to make sure I had exposure to the most interesting projects and experiences in the department. That program set me up for professional success. And I also found a professional environment where I didn’t have to leave key parts of myself at the door. The attorneys I worked with were eager to learn from me and my diverse background and experiences. But I learned that the legal profession isn’t always like this.
While in law school, I also went through OCI’s (on-campus interviewing). Law firms and other legal employers came to campus to interview law students for internships and full-time positions. I did interview prep with a professor who had worked at one of the large firms. We spent a lot of time working on how to change things like the way I sit and the lilt in my voice. The professor was genuinely using their experience in law firms to help me work on what would make me a stronger candidate. But looking back, I realized that we were working on how to present myself as a more stereotypical straight man and to seem less gay. While my peers spent their prep time working on how to best discuss their skills and experiences, I had to spend most of my time working on how to be a different person.
Then I had another legal internship where I was told by my supervisor, “Hey, you get along really well with [female intern]. I think you like her.” My supervisor said it playfully. But the comment communicated a couple of things to me. First, they didn’t know many gay people. And second, there were expectations that I be someone I’m not. I didn’t know if it was safe to be out in that workplace.
I have a host of stories about my experiences of racism and homophobia in my professional life. I left my first law firm job, in part, because of racism I both observed and experienced personally. I won’t share all those stories here. But I will say: LGBTQ+ people, BIPOC people, women, people with disabilities, and a host of other groups still don’t have equal opportunities in professional life. We have to waste our time pretending to be different people to get jobs. When we compete with peers for jobs, there are times when we don’t have experiences on our resumes, because we never had the opportunity to get them. More work needs to be done to actively lift up communities that experience discrimination, because equal opportunity is not the current state in this country. Everyone has a responsibility to lift up marginalized communities so that equal opportunity can actually become a reality. I’m grateful for organizations, and the people behind them, that do this work.
I came back to my company because of someone who has devoted much of his professional life to this work. I became friends with one of the paralegals during the scholarship program, and he reached out to me about a unique role managing contracts for another team at the company. Apparently they were having a hard time finding someone with the right skills and experiences, and he thought I would be a good fit. I was ecstatic when I got the job. My leader constantly encouraged me to take on new challenges, and helped me identify areas I needed to grow in professionally. Two years later, I later took on a new role supporting contracts for teams managing about $5 billion in corporate spend. I worked under a leader that I often put forward as an example of how to drive DEI efforts. He always shows up for hard discussions, he recognizes his limitations, and he lifts up others so that they can lead.
In my work life, I found a company actively working for me to be able to be my full, true, and honest self. I realized that I needed to join in this work. I joined an acumen group, responsible for providing monthly educational presentations on DEI topics for our business division. I accepted an invitation to join the LGBTQ+ business council, and helped drive programming. Then I joined The Empathy Project, an employee group represented by the LGBTQ+ business council and five faith networks, working towards having productive conversations across divides and cultivating empathy. I was invited to represent the company at external LGBTQ+ events. I’m so grateful for those experiences.
Most of all, I’m grateful for the team. When you’ve experienced a lot of homophobia, you’re conditioned to expect homophobia. And then when you receive acceptance, it can be confusing, and even painful. You have to unlearn negative expectations. My company has helped me do that.
Ultimately, building a diverse and inclusive organization will help drive success. This is especially true in retail, where the better you understand your diverse guests, the better you will be able to serve them. Last week, when I shared with a group of colleagues I was leaving, one of them said, “Before you, I had never met a gay man who was a devoted Catholic. Getting to know you has been life changing for me.” A great organization will facilitate those moments, where we will be changed because we have really gotten to see one another. And in seeing one another, we will see more and more of our guests, and we will be able to better serve them.
Giving notice that I’ll be leaving the company was a very emotional thing for me, because I’m so grateful for the ways in which it has helped me grow both personally and professionally. Among many other things, it helped me understand what it means to find ongoing acceptance as a respected professional. I say ongoing acceptance, because I don’t think acceptance is a one-and-done deal. We’re all constantly growing and changing, and so acceptance and inclusion have to constantly grow and change to be real. My peers, leaders, and friends at work helped me to learn that. I wish I could thank each and every one of them in this post. I have so much to thank them for. They taught me by example. I’m very sad to be leaving. But I’m also really excited to take what they taught with me as I start the next part of my professional journey, and to create for others the great experiences they provided me.
Is Courage International good or bad?
I’ve written at length about problems with Courage International, Catholicism’s largest ministry for those “suffering with same-sex attraction.” I’ve discussed its roots in debunked neo-Freudian theories, the ways in which its structures and positions can enable abuse, and other problems. So every once in a while, I get asked some version of: Is Courage good or bad?
I don’t really have a clear answer. I don't think it's a matter of just good or bad. It's like Catholic positions on parts of the Black Lives Matter movement. Yes, parts of BLM have roots in versions Marxism at variance with Catholic positions, and some activists have positions at conflict with CST. But that doesn't mean we have to reject every aspect of BLM (or of Courage). Like BLM, Courage groups are largely decentralized and autonomous. This is one of its strengths.
Some Courage groups may have good fellowship; others may provide opportunities for grooming. It's important for Catholics to enter these spaces well-equipped to discern what's helpful. Know the organizations limits and problems, and engage intelligently if you engage.
I do think Courage, institutionally, needs to do a serious examination of conscience, to acknowledge its problems, and to seek to make amends. But I won't condemn every Courage chaplain or member. Many are doing good work and are unaware of the problems with the institution they are affiliated with.
My discussion with Reconstructing Catholic
Last week, I did my first Instagram live! I spoke with Reconstructing Catholic about ex-gay advocacy in the Church, LGBTQ+ ministtry, and how much of a nerd I was in college. You can find our conversation on Instagram at @REconstructingCatholic!
Afterwards, I also did my first “AMA” (ask me anything) on Instagram. I answered all kinds of questions related to our discussion. You can check that out here.
What I’m Watching: Don’t Look Up
***spoiler alert***
I knew that “Don’t Look Up,” the latest Netflix big hit, was written, produced, and directed by Adam McKay, whose comedy-drama “The Big Short” was a favorite from 2015. The 2021 film advertised itself as within the same genre, with a star-studded cast. Kate Dibiasky (Jennifer Lawrence) and Randall Mindy (Leonardo DiCaprio) are two astronomers who discover a comet headed towards Earth. The impact will cause an extinction-level event in six months. When they try to address the coming catastrophe, an incompetent President obsessed with wealth and power (Meryl Streep) largely ignores them, until she later realizes the issue could boost her reelection chances. A pair of news anchors (Kate Blanchett and Tyler Perry) add to the ridiculousness by trying to cover over catastrophe with shallow entertainment.
“Don’t Look Up” has been viewed by many as a take on the COVID pandemic (though it’s worth noting that the film had already been announced by the end of 2019, and filming was supposed to start in April of 2020 until it had to be delayed). A set of scientists try to warn the world about what is coming and beg the government to stop it. Politicians and businesspeople only listen when it suits their interests. The public is divided between the believers (those who trust the scientists) and the non-believers (largely followers of the President). The scientists have to fight for the survival of mankind, while they also have to fight much of mankind, the United States government, and the media.
But in the end they fail.
Dibiasky and Mindy are ignored, to the peril of the Earth and most of humankind. They die while having a last dinner at home with Mindy’s family. In their last meal together, a skateboarder they met along the way (Timothee Chalamet) shows them how to pray. They each share things for which they are grateful. Dibiasky says, “I’m grateful we tried.” They hold hands. Meanwhile, the President and her largest donor Peter Isherwell (who contributed to the demise of the Earth because he delayed action against the comet to explore mining it for valuable minerals) escape the planet on a spaceship and will land safely many years later on a new planet.
As the movie neared its climax, I kept waiting for my American ending. I wanted the President’s spaceship to be destroyed by the comet, for the Earth to miraculously survive, and for the scientists to emerge as heroes. But our heroes die and the villains survive (until the President is eaten by a bird on the new planet, for viewers who watched past the credits to see it happen). Writing for America Magazine, Jim McDermott wrote:
“In the end, what undermines “Don’t Look Up” is exactly what it condemns: a lack of humanity. I can certainly appreciate McKay’s frustration with the world today, and our own frighteningly absurd behavior in it. But the film’s severity inspires only despair. Come-to-Jesus moments are of enormous value, but only if they promise that you actually do get to come to Jesus.”
Perhaps because I studied the Greek classics in college, I had a markedly different reaction to the ending. The movie wasn’t meant to inspire, to tell us about how the power of resilience and a commitment to integrity and ingenuity will save us in the end. The movie wasn’t about how to win or survive. The movie was about how to die.
In the movie, Peter Isherwell is a creepy prophet take on many of today’s giant tech CEOs. He is a tech entrepreneur who pioneered both hardware developments and data collection and research. When Mindy questions the scientific quality of Isherwell’s plan to mine and then destroy the comet, Isherman attacks Mindy personally, telling the scientist that his data research is so sophisticated that he knows how Mindy will die: alone.
Until that comment, Mindy had been complicit in much of the President’s pseudo-scientific approach to combatting the comet. Isherwell views Mindy as a fundamentally weak man who, though a good scientist, will sacrifice his scientific integrity. And if Mindy had done this, he would have taken a spot on the President’s ship as she escaped the planet. And he probably would have died alone.
But Mindy chooses a different path. He leaves Isherwell and the President’s designs behind and drives to be reunited with his wife (after he’d left her for an affair). This choice leads him soon after to death. But he dies with both his integrity and his family intact. It is when he has finally accepted his inability to exert control and influence over the catastrophe that he can change what seemed to be the set course of his own history. He holds hands with his family and friends, they pray together, and then they enter death.
It is the afterlife which gives Mindy’s integrity continued meaning, and which makes “Don’t Look Up” much closer to a Greek play or Christian story than to an American hit film. The afterlife gives this integrity continued purpose and direction, whether that afterlife be in the underworld and its effects, the paradise of heaven, or the life of the moviegoer. The last and greatest thing is not to overcome death. It is to die well.
You can follow along with my current reads at Goodreads.
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